I can’t find my way in…I try again and again

Watching terrible TV; it kills all thought.
Getting spacier than an astronaut.
Making out with people I hardly know or like.
I can’t believe what I do late at night.

I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.
I’m standing at the gates.
I see the beauty above.

Only when we get to see the aerial view will the patterns show.
We’ll know what to do.
I know the last page so well, I can’t read the first.
So I just don’t start.
It’s getting worse.

I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.
I’m standing at the gates.
I see the beauty above.
I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.
I can’t find my way in.
I try again and again.

I’m on the outside of love.
Always under or above.
I can’t find my way in.
I try again and again.
I’m on the outside of love.
Always under or above.
Must be a different view…to be a me with a you.

I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.
I’m standing at the gates.
I see the beauty above.
I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.

Of course I’ll be alright.
I just had a bad night.

I had a bad night.

Nada Surf, “Inside of Love” from Let Go

I would link the Relient K cover of this song, which is my favorite, but I like the original as well.

I actually never knew who wrote this song until today. I never paid attention to the artist. I’m sure I saw it at some point, but I thought it was Snow Patrol for some reason. Probably because this song seems so similar to “Chasing Cars” to me. Damn, it’s even in the same key. Did Snow Patrol rip off Nada Surf?

Whatever. Not the point.

I absolutely love this song. And thanks to Mitch’s latest blog post “Verb or Noun”, I’ve realized something.

Love isn’t just a verb. It’s not just action. Love is both a verb and a noun.

The problem is that you can’t have the noun without first having the verb.

If you want to create love in this world, you have to be love first. You can’t accept love until you start loving. You must love everything. Love God. Love others. Love yourself. In that order.

I had the first half of the equation correct. I began by hating myself. Then I started to hate everything. Then I started to hate God. After hating God for a good while, I found out that you can’t really hate love itself, since “God is love.” So…I started learning how to love God.

Then I started learning how to love others. That was rough. People fucking suck. Let me tell you. People suck a lot. I’ve had some truly horrible things happen to me in my life. And yet, I found a way to forgive other people of all of those things, sometimes immediately. I won’t get into specifics just now. The past is the past.

Finally, once I had learned to love God through Jesus Christ, and then others in the same way, I began to love myself. Well shit…I can’t be that humble anymore. If I look at my life through Heaven’s eyes…

Y’all. I love myself. My life is amazing. I’m amazing. I don’t know how you can’t see that. 😉

But really, I think I’m worthy of love. That’s the meaning of the name “Amanda” by the way. “Deserving of love.” I’m deserving of love. You deserve love as well. Everyone deserves love. “We love because God first loved us.”

That’s all for now. I don’t really have a lot else to say about this. I’ll be updating my chapter on Love slightly before publishing it to Kindle.

Love is a verb. Love is a noun.

“I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.” I don’t think I’ve really understood that part before. I never accepted that someone could love me as much as God does. And, that’s true. But someone might be able to love me as much as I love myself.

I believe. Help my unbelief.

Peace, Love, and Understanding, friends.

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