You might think I’m losing my mind, but I will shy away from the specifics

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific.
And, you might think I’m losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics.

‘Cause, I don’t want you to know where I am.
‘Cause, then you’ll see my heart
In the saddest state it’s ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there!
That’s exactly where I lost it!
See that line?
Well, I never should’ve crossed it!
Stop right there!
Well, I never should’ve said that!
It’s the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

I’m sorry for the person I became.
I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I’m ready to be sure I never become that way again.
‘Cause who I am hates who I’ve been.
Who I am hates who I’ve been.

I talked to absolutely no one.
I couldn’t keep to myself enough.
And, the things bottled inside
Had finally begun to create so much pressure
That I’d soon blow up.

And, I heard the reverberating footsteps
Syncing up to the beating of my heart.
And, I was positive that unless
I got myself together
I would watch me fall apart.

And, I can’tlet that happen again.
‘Cause, then you’ll see my heart
In the saddest state it’s ever been.
This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there!
That’s exactly where I lost it!
See that line?
Well, I never should’ve crossed it!
Stop right there!
Well, I never should’ve said that!
It’s the very moment that I wish that I could take back.

I’m sorry for the person I became.
I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I’m ready to be sure I never become that way again.
‘Cause who I am hates who I’ve been.
Who I am hates who I’ve been.

Who I am hates who I’ve been,
And who I am will take the second chance You gave me
Who I am hates who I’ve been,
‘Cause who I’ve been only ever made me…

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I’m ready to be sure I never become that way again,
‘Cause who I am hates who I’ve been.

Who I am hates who I’ve been.

Relient K, “Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been
from Mmhmm


This is my favorite song, and always will be. This is also my favorite album (sorry Dream Theater). I think about this song a lot. I sing it to myself a lot. This song has a great deal of meaning for me, and it has meant several things to me over the years since I was first introduced to Relient K (thank you, Catie).

The first time I heard this song, I was getting over a girl. That’s a typical problem for me, or at least it was in the past. I used this album in particular to “get over” several girls. I’ve used Relient K to get over several girls. They speak the music of my soul and my heart. I can’t really explain it. Relient K is just…they understand the way I think and feel better than I know myself.

At the time, I was more concerned with the mistakes I had made in my romantic relationships (or attempts at romantic relationships). The song began something akin to how I felt about “My Stupid Mouth” when I first heard it. It was mostly surface material that didn’t penetrate too deeply into my heart. However, as I listened to it more and more and became more familiar with the lyrics and the music over time…the meaning gradually shifted for me.

It began to be more about how I felt about myself. It was no longer about how I felt about my relationships. Instead, I became concerned with who I am rather than who I’ve been. That took me a while to understand. I was so concerned with the flaws and faults and problems mentioned in the lyrics that I didn’t realize something had to come after these lyrics. If I was actually concerned about being who I am, and turning away from who I’ve been…

Who have I been? Why do I hate who I’ve been? Is it okay to hate who I’ve been?

I never really answered those questions until a few years ago. The answers are as follows:

Who have I been? A shitty human being.

Why do I hate who I’ve been? Because, I hate shitty human beings.

Is it okay to hate who I’ve been? I would certainly hope so.

I’m definitely not in love with who I’ve been. I’m not entirely fond of who I am right now, but that’s not the point. The point is that I never stop improving upon myself. I never stop growing. I never stop attempting to get better. Every day, I should be able to look back on my life and say “Wow…I really don’t like that person I was yesterday. Today, I will do better. Who I am today hates who I’ve been yesterday.”

Tomorrow is another day.

“Don’t hold on to your past. No. It’s never coming back. You gotta let it go.”

Peace, Love, and Understanding, friends.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: