I’m not a half a man.

And if you want my glory, you gotta take my sin.
And if you want my future, you gotta take my skin.
And if you want my heart, you gotta take my blood.
And if you want my bed, you gotta take my love.

‘Cause, I’m not a half a man.
No.
I’m not a half a man.
Lord knows I love you now,
But a saint and a sinner is what I am.

And if you want my spirit, you gotta take my booze.
And if you want my mystery, you gotta take my clues.
And if you want my child, you gotta take my kin.
And if you want my money, you gotta take my rent.

‘Cause, I’m not a half a man.
No.
I’m not a half a man.
And Lord knows I love you now,
But saint and a sinner is what I am.

Well…and it doesn’t get better once you see the light,
‘Cause you wake to find that the fight has just begun.
I used to be a mess but now I look just fine,
‘Cause you dressed me up, and we drank the finest wine.
Oh yes, we did.

And, I’m not a half a man!
No!
I’m not a half a man!
No, no, no!
And Lord knows I love you now,
But a saint and a sinner is what I am.

[It’s] what I am.
[It’s] what I am, ’cause that’s what I AM.

Derek Webb, “Saint and Sinner” from She Must and Shall Go Free

I’ve always loved this song. It encompasses so much in such a short amount of time. I’m not happy that I have to “edit” the words a little bit at the end to get at what I believe Derek was really saying, but nevertheless, I am forced to do so often with many songs.

Friends, I’m not a half a man.

I’m a saint and a sinner.

I’m not perfect. I’m not God. I’m never going to be. I can’t be God. I don’t know how to be.

I’m also not a horrible person. I’m not entirely a sinner. I’m not entirely evil. I’m not born evil and screamed at by God to heal myself, as Christopher Hitchens so disingenuously put it.

Fuck no.

God doesn’t expect me to heal myself. God expects me to be exactly as I am: a saint and a sinner. I am a sinner saved by the grace and love of a Perfect Being. God loves me so much that he looked into the future, saw my life, knew that I would be and do terrible things…

And Yeshu’a still decided to die for me. He didn’t regret it for a moment. However, Yeshu’a was also a man. Jesus was tempted in every way as we are. Even Jesus wished that the Lord could “take this cup from [him]” in the garden of Gethsemane. I’m not better than Yeshu’a, friends.

“And should I read between the lines? And look for blessings in disguise to make me handsome, rich, and wise? Is that really what you want? Because, I am a whore, I do confess it. I put You on just like a wedding dress, and I run down the aisle. I’m a prodigal with no way home. I put You on just like a ring of gold, and I run down the aisle…

“To You.”

Peace, Love, and Understanding, friends.

P.S.: Please don’t forget about the impending deadline for my friend Rob and his family! He is a saint and a sinner just like me, but he deserves the best from all of us. Even if he doesn’t always realize it. Please consider “Joining the Love” by contributing whatever you can to this family through his PayPal Pool goal.

Every little bit helps. Thank you.

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