I repent judging by a law that even I can’t keep

I repent.
I repent of my pursuit of America’s dream.
I repent.
I repent of living like I deserve anything:
Of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife,
In our suburb where we’re safe and white.

I am wrong and of these things I repent.

I repent.
I repent of parading my liberty.
I repent.
I repent of paying for what I get for free;
For the way I believe that I am living right
By trading sins for others that are easier to hide.

I am wrong, and of these things I repent.

I repent judging by a law that even I can’t keep;
Of wearing righteousness like a disguise
To see through the planks in my own eyes.

I repent.
I repent of trading truth for false unity.
I repent.
I repent of confusing peace and idolatry:
Of caring more of what they think than what I know of what we need,
Of domesticating You until You look just like me.

I am wrong, and of these things I repent.

Derek Webb, “I Repent” from i see things upside down

I lied again.

Funny how that works sometimes.

I repent being a liar, and God does not make me a liar. I make myself a liar when I make plans that I cannot follow through with. I make myself a liar when I make promises I cannot keep. However, there is something I know and believe and am convinced of that no one will ever be able to disabuse me of.

“I’d rather forget and not slow down than gather regret for the things I can’t change now.”

I’ve got a lot of debt, according to the world’s standards.

I have no debt in God’s eyes.

I know exactly how much money I have, friends.

$4.56

That’s it. That’s all I have until my next paycheck from Walmart. And you want to know something else? I don’t care. I really don’t care about having no money at all. I really don’t care that no one seems to be buying my book right now. I don’t care that it seems like my family detests me, is ignoring me, is acting unloving toward me. Because, I know another “secret.” I didn’t have to be convinced of this secret. I never stopped believing it, even through my doubt.

My friends and family love me. Because, I am worthy of love, and because God first loved me. That’s how equality works. We are all equally pieces of shit in this world, friends. And, I consider everything a piece of shit in place of the surpassing greatness of knowing Yeshu’a of Nazareth, the Messiah, my Lord, my Savior, and my God, the only Perfect Being.

I repent judging by a law that even I can’t keep, and that cannot get me anything.

I repent of taking advantage of my fellow human beings, even when I’m not aware that I am doing it.

I repent of confusing love and civility.

I repent of imagining that anything is impossible with God.

So, where do I go from here?

Hell if I know.

But, I know that the Lord goes before me, in the cloud and in the fire. In the storm and in the whirlwind. In the still, small voice, and in the gentle hug.

My Lord has not promised me that my life will be easy; quite the contrary. He has promised that my life will be a difficult one full of trials and tribulations and heartache and suffering and mourning and weeping and enemies.

He has also promised me that He has overcome the world.

“Take heart, for I have overcome the world.”

“You’re an overcomer!”

Thanks, Mandisa.

I repent. Do you, friends? Because if not…

…that’s okay. I forgive you anyway.

Peace, Love, and Understanding, friends.

P.S.: Excuse any typos in this entry. I’m not going to be going back to edit them this time.

Get over it.

P.P.S: Also, I know that the featured image has nothing to do with the message. Ironic, huh?

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